IFEX is over

Dear friends,

IFEX is over! It's really over! And two days earlier than expected. As you might have gathered from Andre's last post, things didn't continue as perfectly as the first two days. The nausea slowly started creeping back, together with fatigue. I'm so glad that Leticia and Kent got to see me while I was still ok (and I actually got to eat the delicious dinner she made). But it was still not as bad as the last time, so I was really surprised on Friday when we went in to Cedars for the usual round of hydration, and I woke up to find that Forscher had decided that Friday night would be my last night of IFEX! I smiled at him very prettily and thanked him, without truly believing he meant it. But he did! Apparently, Andre told him that I threw up 3 times between 10 and 1, and he decided that I didn't need to suffer any more. When Andre told me that today, I couldn't help shaking my head -- I hadn't even realized that I was suffering.

It is over, though, and now comes the slow slog to recovery, to feeling like myself again. I spent the last two days moping and feeling just sick. My emotions are all over the place and though I haven't shown any tendencies towards knife carving (as Alyssa so delicately put it:), I did deplore to Andre my lack of homicidal friends.

I have such wonderful friends. We came back on Saturday night to a gorgeously painted house, thanks to Bill Hood. Bill is an amazing painter -- lucky Toni! Our house looks like a new place. I love the entry way which is a beautiful rust red, but it took me a minute to adjust to the rest of the house, which is YELLOW. In all fairness, Bill did warn me that it would be yellow, and so did Ranjeeta, from whose house I drew inspiration, but the yellowness of it still took me back. The house still had a faint smell of paint, enough to make me queasy, so we got back in the car and drove to Ranjeeta's house for the night. Mira wasn't there since she was spending the night with Kim, Helena, and Penelope, which Andre thought was a good thing because he didn't think I was in any shape to handle Mira's energy. She came back the next day after a wonderful time with Helena and Penelope and exclaimed with delight over the green-ness of her bathroom. She walked in and completely ignored me to run upstairs and look at the bathroom. It's funny because one of my worst memories of the last round of IFEX was coming back home, nauseous, sick, and bleary, and just walking by her to get to the bed. For weeks now, I've tortured myself, good-mother-guilt style, imagining how she was waiting for me all week and how I just ignored her. I think I'll let go of this now.

Andre was right -- painting the house is really helping me recover. Yesterday, as I sat mourning to him, telling him the pointlessness of it all, he pointed out that we need new curtains and they will help soften the yellow walls. I said austerely that it was futile to buy curtains when everything ends in death anyway. He agreed and asked if that meant we could pass on the kitchen remodel. For a second, the IFEX induced wraith in my brain went up against my Inner Woman. Then I sniffed and said faintly that the great American economy was depending on me, and even if all have to die, we don't have to die destitute.... Or with bad kitchens.

So, somehow I'll get better and I hope you will come to visit our brightly colored home because this house is just begging for the laughter and cheer of wonderful friends like you. And so am I.

With love,
Radhika.

PS: Since Janet asked, here's a recent picture of me at the apartment. As you can see, my hair has decided that it's going to pretend that chemotherapy is done. My hair has always had a stubborn refusal to conform and a strong habit of doing its own thing, flat irons and gels, notwithstanding. I am grateful to it, but I still intend to go wig shopping sometime. :)