A message from my parents

Dear friends,

Thank you so much for making my birthday so wonderful this year. All the messages, the cards, the e-mails have been so delightful. And I am so grateful to Janet McDaniel and all of you on campus who sent me such lovely photo greetings. Janet sent you my response, but here it is on the blog for posterity.

I love all of you and I am doing much better now. I am keeping this post short because my father has asked me to post the message below from him to all of you. I will write again soon. Pictures of my family are at the bottom so you get to see what they all look like.... and a bald me in my Diwali sari! :)

With lots and lots of love, Radhika.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Radhika’s Grateful Parents to her community of friends who are standing in for us:

We have been ‘visiting’ Radhika the last few weeks and got to know how much care and attention, and above all confidence-building love she got from all of you. We met some of you at Ranjeeta’s home but we know there are many more whom we may not meet before we return to Chennai, India, this Thursday, 3rd November. For several reasons, most of them sound more like excuses than valid reasons, we cannot stay longer; but we are leaving with full confidence that our absence will make no difference to Radhika’s recovery, recuperation, and above all her refreshing cheer which is contagious.

When Radhika came into our life 38 years ago, her arrival recalled a few lines from two French poems, which I had read long ago and merged the texts to read “rienne n’ est beau comme une enfante, qui venant dans ma vie l’eclairerait”. (Pardon me if there are mistakes in syntax or grammar, it was some six decades ago that I made up the song). She has been my light and my cheer all through these three decades and more and I never got the blues when she is around. And, I was always thrilled to find that wherever she went, in school, College, University or Group Events, she was bound to spread cheer and joy all around. None could resist her endearing smile or explosive laughter.

So, you can imagine my chagrin, my woe, when she broke down when talking to us on the telephone, three or maybe four months after she started her treatment, keeping us in the dark until then, instinctively obeying her brother’s wishes. For, I had about the same time gone through an equally rigorous procedure and my son did not want me to be loaded with any anxiety about my daughter. Even when she at long last spoke to me (imagine we did not hear her cheerful chirping voice for four long months), she did not give any details, apart from the fact that it was Cancer that troubled her and that the treatment was worse than the disease, making her despair with life. We did what we were wont to do in such situations; went to our family preceptor, aacharya as we call him, and laid bare our problem. He assured us about her sure recovery by September and suggested some spiritual remedial measures. We followed his instructions faithfully.

And, as the messages on E Mail and voice-mail became more cheering we planned our visit – still, of course, subject to my Cardiologist’s approval and my son’s permission. Meanwhile, Facetime, brought us closer. Radhi had barred our access to it; she was loathe to let us look at her bald head lest it should shock us. But I told her to look at the flip side of the situation: (a) it brought back memories of one-year old Radhika, so sweet and endearing, and (b) unlike bald heads usually, hers had no bumps or crimples, so smooth, recalling to me Ingrid Bergman.
But, the shock came to me after I came here. Though her head was bald again that did not bother me. As I told her she is always lovely and it is her cheerful countenance that made her lovely.
The shock came when we saw her postings in her Blog, some she could not do because she was too sick and Andre stepped in to keep you all in the loop. As Mom and I went through those postings, with tears hiding our vision, we learnt the grueling time she and Andre had gone through. Then we understood the kindness and concern Andre and our son had for us in keeping us in the dark. We really could not have stood the travails they had gone through. We had that grueling experience when she was at Scripps. But, that was in 2006 when we were both five years younger and not so much ravaged by ill-health.

We realized how blessed we are in having a son-in-law like Andre who husbanded our daughter as that relationship defined (in Sanskrit, the word is bharta, the bearer of burden). What a precocious and mature-beyond-her age our seven years old Mira has been through all this excruciating time! And how much blessed we are in our son, daughter-in-law and grand-daughter . Our son is not very demonstrative but his actions speak for him; the daughter-in-law (Oh! These nomenclatures sound so inappropriate) says and acts appropriately and with expressive affection; and the grand-daughter is so much like Radika spreading cheer and joy by her mere presence as some of you may have noticed.

We also learnt how much more affection and love she could get from friends and the community in a critical situation. Everyone came forward willingly and spontaneously. As some of you told me it is amazing how much we can do to be helpful when prompted by a circumstance we could never have contemplated . The occasion has only to be brought to our attention and it kindles our innate urge to be helpful. Oft, this urge which belongs to our humanity (we call it insaniyat in Hindi), lies dormant or even if awake cannot of its own find an outlet. A catalyst is needed to arouse it and channel it. And that is what our inimitable and remarkable Ranjeeta has been in the present situation. She is the Catalyst that jelled this community of wonderful friends who restored our daughter’s confidence not merely in her self but in the goodness of humanity. We are sure that this community will survive and flourish to enjoy the charms of our dear daughter, who is born to bring light into the lives of everyone around.

I will be failing in my mission, if I do not express our gratitude to one who made all this possible for us all, myself and mom and all of you. But for her persuasion, not just by words, but positive action, including foregoing a week of her indispensable service to her patients in order to convince Radhika to get a correct assessment of her illness, Radhika or we would not be where we are. This is the one and only Jennifer, who was not just a physiotherapist for Radhika but her friend, philosopher and guide.

As practicing adherent of Sanatana Dharma, the eternal Order of Life, which is what Hinduism is commonly known as, my wife and I both believe (and we hope and believe our daughter does too), as vouched by our scriptures, that Divinity need not and does not directly and visibly intervene, but enters the consciousness of one or more human persons to bring about the desired result. This has been repeatedly made evident in our lives. Call it by any name – Divinity as I have done here for general acceptance, we both and our daughter too call Him MALOLAN – the existence cannot be denied.

from Ramamurthi and Hema (Radhika’s Mom, though more learned than me in scriptures does not generally give expression in words to her thoughts, but agrees 100% with my exposition)

My sis-in-law: Sangeeta, me, and my niece: Dipali
Below: My brother, Mukund with me
My father: Ram, Sangeeta, me, my mom: Hema, Mukund, and my cousin: Navaneeth