There will be no real news on this entry, just a record of some of the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head. Yesterday was a blessed day because I had no doctors' appointments until 3:30 and then only in Encinitas. What a relief! I spent the morning working a little and then resting once the painkillers hit and made me sleepy.
As I thought about doctors yesterday, I realized that I know what I want in a doctor and I am going to wrote it down here. I have learned that declaring what one wants is amazingly clarifying for the mind. So, here is what I want.
I want a doctor who
(1) is competent and has enough confidence in their abilities to listen to their intuition,
(2) has the inner strength to be compassionate,
(3) is capable of speaking the truth with kindness,
(4) is willing to listen to me with respect,
and finally but most importantly
(5) has the humility to know and acknowledge that, no matter how good they are, it is my attitude and my beliefs that have the most influence on my body and my health.
I want a doctor who
(1) is competent and has enough confidence in their abilities to listen to their intuition,
(2) has the inner strength to be compassionate,
(3) is capable of speaking the truth with kindness,
(4) is willing to listen to me with respect,
and finally but most importantly
(5) has the humility to know and acknowledge that, no matter how good they are, it is my attitude and my beliefs that have the most influence on my body and my health.
I would have been so grateful to Forscher that day had he, as he finished the appointment, just stopped and said to me:
"I know you are scared and I understand that, but I will do my best to help you, and it's important for you to work with your fear and try to stay positive and hopeful because your attitude is what influences your recovery."
Does that sound trite? Not if it is said with compassion and a true belief in empowering the patient. I had a doctor say that to me and it brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me that I had the greatest responsibility for my own health. And I needed the reminder.
So that is what I ask for in a doctor. And I do not feel like Diogenes because I have found at least two such doctors but alas, neither of them has the expertise to help me now.
But now that I have a clear picture of what I want, I will focus on it and hope that I will find it somewhere. Heaven knows I will be seeing lots of these chatacters!
Dear friends, your comments are so wonderful and make me feel so connected to each of you. I'm pretty sure that I know which daughter of Kim's kicked the doctor :) (good for her)!
I read your comments eagerly and feel the community that surrounds not just me, but each of us. It is a wonderfully reassuring feeling.
I finish this post as we drive back from L.A. after seeing an osteopath-- I am so tired of this drive but each of these visits is working to clarify things in my mind, which is good.
Tomorrow I speak with the Mayo Clinic (I hope they match your description of a team approach, Vivienne). After that I intend to just rest ....... and not drive anywhere to see anyone.
One last request --
Think of me as being healthy and well, as you have known me, and pray that I will find the strength and courage to take responsibility for my well being and walk the path that feels right to me.
Oh, and throw out a wish that I may find the doctor of my dreams .......medical doctor, that is. I already found the PhD.
:)
Radhika,
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughtful post and yes, putting ideas into words will definitely help you pinpoint what you are looking for.
I just wanted to mention that your bright, smily, positive self is all I know. That is your spirit! I know you will make the best decisions for you and keep that spirit in mind.
Bianca
Good Morning, Darling! I don't know if you know this about me, but having a Pediatric Nurse for a mother and a Pharmaceutical Rep for a father, I grew up in the company of Doctors and Hospital Administrators (my best friend's father was actually the President of the local hospital).
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE there are a few doctors out there (note the lowercase "d") who do not fit your description... but for the most part - I'd even venture to say the vast majority - Doctors (with a capital "D") DO fit your description, at least in their hearts. It is the PRACTICE of such things we should pray for. Our experiences with Evan have also proved this to me, although I also know that Pediatric Doctors (let us NOT forget the Beatific Nurses) are a breed apart…
I am CERTAIN that 2 out of 3 doctors you will meet on this journey will meet your specifications, especially once they get to know you and bathe in your indomitable spirit. I know that you come to the medical community from a different philosophical place than the average Joe, and understand that I do NOT buy into Big Pharma as a good Rep’s daughter should… but the humility and humanity of my experiences have overridden many of my doubts.
With your permission, I would like to pass this on to my mother… I can guarantee that she will share this with her hospital community friends. She loves to pass along a good link.
Dear Radhika,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the phone calls this week. I feel so fortunate to be around you. You are courage’s woman. Despite what you suffering and feeling, you still have the strength to make decisions at work. You are Amazing! Yes Janet, she is Special…
A big smile from me to brighten up your day, and to keep you smiling always! I am sending you my most positive wishes for today…
Con cariño: Sonia
Good, R. Keep that vision in your mind and they will come. Be your bold self. Visualize whirled peas. No, visualize your healthiest self. We will, too.
ReplyDeleteHi, Radhika.
ReplyDeleteBrooks and I applaud your sharing your reflections and concerns through your courageous blog. Know that you, Andre and Mira are in our thoughts as you find your way through this undeserved event.
We hope that the combined energies and love of your family, friends and colleagues will surround and support you in the many difficult decisions you have to make.
May we bring you dinner one night? Does Andre need a guest lecturer in his graduate course (e.g., Brooks could do "Monogamy Is Optimal," a seemingly provocative application of P. Hall's theorem on systems of distinct representatives)? Want us to send chocolate?
With love, Brooks and Marion
My dear sweet Radhika, your words are inspiring, you have so much talent! I feel your energy when I read your words and hope your travels will bring answers. I am hoping everyone you meet along the way treats you with respect and courtesy and hope. I miss our chats so much! Take care of yourself and give that Ph.D. of yours a hug for me. I'm glad you found each other! Love, Janet
ReplyDeleteDear Radhika-
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping us all up to date. Your request for us to see you you as healthy and well is an easy one for me. I see you as such a tough cookie! So strong and full of fun and laughter. I've been dedicating my yoga practice to you this last week, I'm not sure if you can feel the energy but it feels good to send it your way.
Have you ever looked at Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life"? Affirmations certainly never hurt and they might help as well.
my best to you, Andre, and Mira!
Love the new pictures!
ReplyDelete