Mayo Clinic next week

JuDear friends,

The Mayo Clinic called us back and we have appointments to go there next week -- we have to check in to the clinic at 7 am on Thursday, Feb. 3 and then we will see doctor after doctor after doctor. Andre and I hope that we will be able to make sense of everything they say....

I am scared. I know that knowledge is good; it will be good to know what exactly this is and what can be done about it but I fear that news as well. And I fear it because my last experience with doctors has shown me how limited they can be.

I must assume that the doctors that took care of me at Scripps really did not know any better, that they did the best that they could. However, that leaves me jaundiced with the "conventional" medical system. I can excuse the doctors at Scripps for not knowing that I could prepare myself for the surgeries to improve the chances of success or even just to get rid of my fear. But what turned me off of the medical system is that when I woke up from my second surgery and asked the doctors what kind of physical therapy I needed to do, what I got was: "Well, we really don't know what kind of therapy there is for you to regain the functionality of your jaw. It's a pretty uncommon thing, so there's not much out there."

Before the second surgery, I went to the Integrative Department of Scripps and met people there who offered me all kinds of techniques to prepare myself for the surgery. Why wasn't I sent there before my first surgery? It's the same god damned organization!! I woke up from that surgery determined to make a good recovery, determined to get back to whatever normalcy I could achieve. And then I had an idiot of a doctor tell me that while they had planned to remove my condyle and jaw bone, they had NEVER thought of what would happen to me afterwards. They had never thought that I would need to go back to a normal life, that I would need therapy to get functionality in my jaw.

For 3 months after the surgery, I went from one Physical Therapy department in Scripps to another, and NONE of them had a clue what to do with me. I was lucky that there was one honest therapist at Scripps who told me that I would be better served by Sharp Hospital because they might know something. They didn't.

By complete chance, Vicki Golich hooked me up with her physical therapist, Jennifer Souders. Jenn was the one who brought normalcy to my life. She worked on tirelessly during each session, even after the insurance authorization ran out. She gave me hope and assurance that I could regain the functionality of my jaw and with her help, I did. Jenn is my angel and I love her dearly for everything she did for me. She, of course, would just shrug her shoulders and say she did her job.

At any rate, that is why I don't think much of the medical system and doctors in general. To have no vision, to be so limited in what you offer a sick person to help them heal --- I find it appalling.
And tnat is where my fear comes from -- what will I be to all these experts at the Mayo? A person or just a carrier of a disease? If it is the latter, then all their efforts will focus on eradicating the disease -- will they even think that there is a person who at the end of it all will need to pick up the pieces of their life and go back to being a mother of a six year old?
The doctors at Scripps obviously didn't.
Let's hope the Mayo is different.

This is rather a negative entry -- ghosts of the past have been haunting me.

However these ghosts serve a purpose -- I have no intention of allowing anyone to treat me as a carrier of disease. This time I intend to determine what the best treatment is for me.

To end this entry on a positive note, we're headed to Atlanta for a friend's wedding this weekend. He is a dear friend from grad school and he's marrying an Indian girl! Mira and I will get to wear our Indian outfits and dance ....it will be fun!
And I will stay with my best friend from high school, shes so positive that all these negative thoughts in head will be sure to be banished.
Have a wonderful weekend, my friends. And thank you for all your positive energies sent my way.